You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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