i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
