hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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