I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
