I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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