You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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