I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let's get the cat blown out
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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