i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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