Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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