Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
