he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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