He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
