Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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