She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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