i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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