Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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