can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
