my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
