Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
