Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
