i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
