I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
