He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
