Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
