Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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