my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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