rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
