I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I smell stomach acid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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