You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
