Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
