I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
