idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
