i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
