If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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