I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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