just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
