toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
