i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
