I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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