All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
