**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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