I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
