Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
