i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
