the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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