Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who died my cat blue again?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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