Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
