When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
