Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
