yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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