he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
