On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
