Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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