Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
