im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
